Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high
By Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler

It should be required reading for all human beings! It IS REQUIRED reading for Success-Minded Administrative Professionals.

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation with two or more people that you did not know how to manage your way through? Did opinions vary? Were the stakes high? Did emotions run strong? If so, you were having a “crucial conversation.”

The authors make an audacious claim in the first chapter: Master your crucial conversations and you’ll kick-start your career, strengthen your relationships, and improve your health. As you and others master high-stakes discussions, you’ll also vitalize your organization and your community. The authors demonstrate through their research that strong relationships, careers, organizations, and communities all draw from the same source of power – the ability to talk openly about high-stakes, emotional, controversial topics.

Dialogue skills are learnable. This book takes you step by step through the mental and emotional processes to help you begin to understand how you personally react in these situations including the physical and chemical changes that take place in your body and how to overcome them. You’ll learn how to stay focused on what you really want, how to notice when safety is at risk, and how to make it safe to talk about almost anything. One of the key skills the authors teach you is how to stay in dialogue when you’re angry, scared, or hurt, and how to listen when others blow up or clam up. Finally, once you learn and apply all of these new skills, they show you how to turn crucial conversations into action and results.

When this book was recommended to me several years ago, I had no idea the profound impact it would have on my personal and professional life. Now, I apply the principles of how to have a crucial conversation every single day. Some days I’m more successful than others. But the skills are priceless. Learning how to have a crucial conversation is truly one of the most powerful tools that you can add to your skill set and apply to every aspect of your life.

You may visit the Vital Smarts website here and enroll in free webinars they host. Sign up for the Vital Smarts e-newsletter and you can download and read the first chapter and take their Style Under Stress Test.  But don’t wait another day – get online, get to the bookstore, or go to the library – start reading this book today!

What books have you read that have profoundly impacted your professional development?

Old Man Can’t is alive and well, and he may be sabotaging you without your even realizing it. Listen to your own words. How often do you use the word can’t throughout a normal day? I can’t come…I can’t attend…I can’t do that…I can’t get a job…I can’t get my boss to… Can’t becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy!

People who take charge of their lives personally and professionally rarely use the word can’t. Removing the word can’t from your vocabulary is one of the simplest – but most effective – things you can do for your professional wellness. Can’t many times turns into an excuse. Excuses are worthless. When you reframe the word can’t by saying, I choose not to…suddenly, you take ownership for your actions and start to shift your thinking. Why do I choose not to? What am I avoiding or ignoring? You are acting instead of being acted upon. You’re in control of your actions and you have thought about why you’re choosing this action. It also forces you to reframe things in a much more positive and proactive way which becomes another self-fulfilling prophesy with more productive outcomes.

This mindset shift can be learned. It takes conscious thought and requires complete honesty with yourself. You may need to enlist an accountability partner to help you catch yourself as you embark down this new path of opportunities. But the approach will transform your outcomes.

A friend of mine had been pursuing a new job opportunity for over 12 months when the economic climate changed significantly for the worse last fall. My friend continued hunting. Many people kept saying, “you can’t get a new job right now, you should just be happy with what you have.” What they were saying was this person should settle for something less instead of pursuing something better. Why? A few months later, my friend landed a fantastic job opportunity. Coworkers, friends, and family were all amazed it could be done with the economic downturn in full swing. My friend had taken a very proactive “I CAN do this” approach to preparing for this job opportunity that eventually appeared, and it made all the difference. Think about how a positive attitude looks to a perspective employer versus a can’t attitude.

Here are some strategies for feeding your mind a healthy dose of proactive “can do” thinking:

• Develop a positive attitude. YES – you CAN learn how to do this! I heartily recommend the book Attitude is Everything by Jeff Keller. It’s short, powerful, and teaches you how to change your attitude.
• Surround yourself with positive people. It has been said you are a composite of the five people you surround yourself with the most, so choose your friends carefully. If someone constantly drains your energy, limit your contact with them. You start to share their feeling of misery after a while even when nothing’s wrong. Find people who are proactive, mentally engaged, innovative thinkers, and I guarantee you’ll find yourself reinvigorated with new ideas and opportunities.
• Start a “can” journal. Every day, write down the five things you CAN do to positively impact your life, your surroundings, your job, your family, your coworkers, etc. This is similar to a gratitude journal only it’s focused on action. What CAN you do today? Then do them! While you’re at it…write down five things you’re thankful for, too. This combination is very powerful.
• Evaluate what you’re filling your mind with daily. What are you watching on TV? What kinds of books or publications are you reading? What are you surfing for on the Internet? What are you listening to on the radio? Do these things encourage, uplift, and inspire you toward what you CAN do or do they depress and discourage you?

In his book, My Grandfather’s Son, Clarence Thomas talks about the impact of his grandfather’s influence in his life. “Old Man Can’t” stood for an attitude of helplessness in the face of adversity. His grandfather’s attitude was expressed, “Old Man Can’t is dead – I helped bury him.” That’s advice that the healthy mind can and must live by.

How do you overcome the “can’t” mindset?  Share your ideas by commenting on this post.

© 2010 All Things Admin and Julie Perrine International, LLC

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You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:   Julie Perrine CPS/CAP is a personality strategist, personal brand analyst, and administrative mentor who teaches administrative professionals and entrepreneurs how to increase their professional opportunities and achieve more productive and meaningful relationships by utilizing innovative technology, ideas, and people. Learn more and request your FREE copy of our special report “Creating Your Strategic Administrative Career Plan” at www.AllThingsAdmin.com

Do you use a standard file naming system to keep your electronic files organized? 

Many use electronic folders to begin tackling electronic file organization, but that doesn’t always solve the issues depending upon how many files you have stored on your system.  Here are some ideas to create organization and structure for your electronic files beyond using folders to help you name, file, and retrieve your documents more efficiently. 

Consider beginning each file name with a 3 or 4 letter abbreviation to help categorize the file and help you find it more quickly later.  Think about the primary types or categories of documents that you create and begin writing them down.  Then create a 3 or 4 letter abbreviation to represent that file type.  Here are some examples:

• FORM – Forms
• LTR – Letters
• MEMO – Memos
• LBL – Labels
• MAP – Maps
• ENV – Envelopes
• RPT – Reports
• SIGN – Signs

Keep this list and the abbreviations posted next to your computer so you can refer to it quickly when creating files or searching for files until you get used to using this system.

The nice element of this is all of your file types show up together on the menu list and then in alphabetical order by the name of the file.

This is also handy if you do travel itineraries for multiple executives.  Here’s an example of a file naming convention for travel itineraries:

• XXXXXX – Location – Name or Initials of Traveler  (i.e.  073007 – Tampa FL – JLP)
• XXXXXX – Location, Event, Name of Traveler (i.e. 073007 – Tampa FL IAAP Conv JLP)

When using dates in your file names, consider using full six-digit dates so they always align accurately.  You may also consider starting with a 2-digit or 4-digtit year, so you can find things by the year, then the month and day.  Using the same sample data from above, that would look like this: 

• 2007 0730 Tampa FL JLP

It’s easy to rename files that you already have created by going in to Microsoft Explorer and adding the prefix or format to your file names.  Click on the file name once to select it. Click on the file name again (don’t double click) to open the editing box.  The file name will appear in a box with your cursor highlighted at the beginning.  You can rename the file, then click outside the file name box and it’s renamed.

For questions about this tech tip, to share a tech tip, or to request a tech tip you’d like to learn more about, please send an e-mail to Julie Perrine CPS/CAP at Julie@julieperrine.com

As an entrepreneur, if I’m losing leads or opportunities because I’m not regularly updating my blog or developing and promoting new products and services for my own business, I’m robbing myself.  I’m cutting off the very oxygen I require to stay alive and fresh as a business owner. 

As an administrative professional, if I’m not reading good materials, keeping up on the latest technology and office trends, and pursuing my own professional development plan, I’m also cutting off the oxygen supply required to keep me sharp and vital to the team I’m supporting.

When you fly, they always tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first because you can’t help others around you if you start to pass out from a lack of oxygen.  And this happens much more quickly than you realize it will!   The same applies to our personal and professional lives.   Don’t let a lack of oxygen cut off your future growth and development.  What are YOU going to do TODAY to put YOUR own oxygen mask on first?

To your administrative success,

Julie Perrine CPS/CAP
Certified Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Administrator
http://www.julieperrine.com/

As a qualified Myers-Briggs Type Indicator administrator and trainer, I have had the opportunity to work with individuals and teams as they learn about their personal preferences and begin to observe more objectively the preferences of their team mates. One of the most enlightening moments in these workshops or coaching sessions come when participants realize how their own communication preferences – how they gather, send, receive, and make decisions on information – dramatically affects those they work with or live with. I always say – it’s not that the person in the cube next to you is a complete nut, it may be that they just send and receive information differently than you do.

Understanding how to communicate successfully begins with understanding yourself and your personal preferences for:

• How do you gather information?
• How do you make decisions?
• How do you get your energy?
• How do you show your preferences to the outside world?

When you understand and recognize your own personal preferences in these four areas, you begin to recognize the preferences of those around you and how they may be similar to or different from your own preferences. This is where truly meaningful conversation begins (or improves).

If you or your team would benefit from improving your communication skills and positively impacting how you work together as a team, contact me at julie@julieperrine.com for more information on scheduling a Myers-Briggs workshop.

Julie Perrine CPS/CAP
Qualified Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Administrator – ESTJ

1. NETWORKING: My father always used to say, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know that gets you where you want to go.” How true in this profession! I went from looking for jobs to having jobs come find me as a result of networking with members in my local chapter. A key career changing position was presented to me when I wasn’t even looking for a new opportunity, and it was a direct result of getting to know my fellow chapter members and them getting to know me. It’s back to my quote, “Networking is not something you do. Networking is a mindset.” It’s paying attention to what’s going on in the world around you and the people you encounter each day and making connections when appropriate to help yourself and those around you build a successful network of resources to call on anytime an opportunity or a need arises.
2. CONTINUING EDUCATION: Each month, most local chapters present educational programs for their members at the local level. There are events hosted annually at the divisional, regional and international levels also. Through IAAP, you can add to your knowledge base or sharpen your skills by taking advantage of the educational resources presented and others that are available online through their international website. Sometimes it’s tough to get away during the day for training opportunities, but IAAP still provides many options for busy administrative professionals to continue their education and training on a monthly basis.
3. LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT: There are numerous opportunities within IAAP to develop and hone your leadership skills. Whether you choose to get involved on a committee, chair a committee, pursue a board position, or just participate in the various chapter activities, your communication, teamwork, and leadership skills will benefit. These skills are directly applicable to what you encounter and do each day at work as an administrative professional.
4. CERTIFICATIONS: The Certified Professional Secretary® (CPS) and the Certified Administrative Professional® (CAP) certifications are administered and promoted through IAAP also. They are NOT required for membership. However, they are another way to set yourself apart in your position and in your profession. Studying for these exams was a very educational and beneficial process for me. You don’t know what you don’t know sometimes until you expose yourself to new ideas and information. I frequently refer to my study materials as resources.

There are many additional reasons, but these are the most important ones for me professionally.

As I work with some of my clients in recruiting or retaining great administrative talent, I am always surprised by how many administrative or executive assistants and their managers do not know about the International Association of Administrative Professionals (IAAP). Take some time to learn more about this international association and the local chapter options near you.

I originally joined because I thought it would look good on a resume, but I have stayed because of the incredible benefits to me personally and professionally. I encourage you to consider membership, too!

IAAP Membership: A Career Advancing Move for Administrative Professionals

Julie Perrine CPS/CAP
Qualified Myers-Briggs Administrator
IAAP Member Since January 2000

• Skim through ALL of the industry related publications that come in the mail each day for references to your company, your companies competitors, product information that relates to what your company does, or interesting articles on how top managers or companies are implementing new systems, procedures or motivational programs to improve company operations. This may make the mail sorting and distribution take a few more minutes, but you will increase your knowledge base significantly over the course of just a couple weeks or months if you do this regularly. Flag the most interesting articles or references to your company for your manager to show your initiative and engagement in what is going on at your company.
• Take a book or magazine with you to read over lunch. If you don’t normally get/take a lunch break – START NOW! Even if you only get 30 minutes, start with that. You need to mentally and physically refresh a couple of times during the day to maintain and sustain high levels of performance on the job. Feeding your body physically (with food) and mentally (by reading) will give you the nourishment you need to get you through the rest of the day more successfully.
• Schedule a minimum of 10-15 minutes for personal reading time for yourself each day. You can get a lot of great ideas and take in a lot of information each day even if you only read for 10-15 minutes. If you do this daily, it will become “part of your day.”
• Read while you are working out. I began reading regularly when I started working out regularly. It was a great way to make working out go more quickly while also filling my mind with some very useful and helpful information. When I’m on an exercise bike, treadmill, or eliptical machine, I almost always have my book or magazine of choice with me. I don’t always love working out, but I do love the opportunity to read more. So it’s a great way to use one habit to motivate the completion of the other.
• Have books or publications in the car with you when you’re waiting to pick up kids or family members from their activities during the week and on the weekend.

What are some good things for administrative professionals to be reading?

• As stated above, the first place I start is with industry related publications that come into my office. I quickly skim each publication from cover to cover before delivering it to my managers. If it wasn’t time sensitive, sometimes I took it to read over lunch and then delivered it after lunch.
• Books on administrative topics you’d like to learn more about or improve your skills or abilities in. Do you have trouble communicating with certain members of your team or with your manager when things are tense in the office? Read a book on improving communication techniques. [My recommendation is Crucial Conversations.] Do you enjoy event planning, but wish you felt more in control of all of the details? Find a book on the topic and dig in. [My recommendation is Planning Successful Meetings and Events by Boehme.] Go to your public library or local bookstore and just start skimming through the books to see what catches your attention…then start reading!
• Websites, Blogs, or Ezines. Do a Google search on any administrative topic imaginable and see what comes up. You can subscribe to some terrific online publications, blogs, ezines, etc. The International Association of Administrative Professionals (IAAP) is a website that has a lot of great resources at www.iaap-hq.org also.

Just because you pick up a book that is of interest doesn’t mean you have to read it cover to cover. Skim through the book to find the sections of information that are most helpful to you and read those. Some books may be more suited to being read from cover to cover. But there are plenty of others that can be read a chapter at a time and you will still benefit greatly from the information that you specifically wanted to find.

I have a list of websites and book titles listed on the sidebar of my blog to get you started. If you have other things that you do to make reading part of your regular schedule or resources that you regularly use, I’d love to hear about them. Send me a message at julie@julieperrine.com or post a response to this blog.

Reading profession specific materials will propel you to greater professional heights! Start reading something good today!

Julie Perrine CPS/CAP
Qualified MBTI Administrator